Monday, April 30, 2007 5:57 PM, CDT

Hello All,
We’re officially into Round Five….aaah. It’s been a weepy day though and I’m not sure why. Things are going well but I sat for awhile today during the infusion and just cried--for no real reason. Oh if you could see me while I’m typing this, I’m crying. I’m scared and I don’t know why. I was so excited for that
first CTscan; however, I think as I get closer to the second one, I’m frightened about what I’ll find out. I’ve spent the last eight weeks with such confidence that I’m going to be fine. Have I been cocky? Unrealistic? I’m not sure. The first scan was full of good news so why wouldn’t the second one be as well? I’m sure it will be.
It’s been a long time since I’ve had a weepy day so I’m chalking it up to it being part of the whole experience. I guess every now and then I’ll fall down. And as long as I get right back up, I’ll be fine.
The date for the CT scan is 5/21. It seems so far away but will be here before we know it…and then summer is right around the corner!!!!
The infusion went well. I used my Emla this morning and the port access went like a charm. The actual clinic portion of the infusion only lasts about 2.5 hours. The first 30 minutes I get a steroid for anti-nausea and then the Oxaliplatin and the Leucovorin run at the same time for the following 2 hours. When that is done I get a “push” or a bolus of the 5fu, then I’m hooked up to my fanny pack and I’m on my way to finish out the 5FU for the next 46 hours. Actually, I don’t get to go anywhere until I get my Procrit shot which made me cry today (of course!). Greg asked how bad it hurts. The shot burns but the pain is really only worthy of a few minor expletives, not tears. However, as I’ve said, I’m so on the verge of crying today that almost anything could bring me to tears. I hope tomorrow is better because tomorrow is my last “good” day for a few days.
I’m trying to get back to normal activity-whatever that might be. I painted my toes and my nails last night and it felt so good to do something so normal yet something I haven’t done in about three months. I’m also going to try to exercise in some capacity this week. As I’ve said, I’m in denial about how tired I’m going to be in a few days and I may be lucky if I can get out of bed, take a shower and get dressed. But part of me feels like if I can find it in myself somewhere to do some sort of exercise, it will be part of my fight. If I can get my body physically stronger than it can fight harder against the cancer. I have no restrictions on exercise; I’ve just been told to use my head and listen to my body.
Listen to my body!! That’s the whole problem for me when it comes to exercising; I listen to my body: “Oh Kim you don’t have to go that long on the treadmill.” “One set of crunches is just fine with your abs…they won’t complain.” “Oh just skip the squats today. Your legs and butt won’t mind.” Yeah, I listen to my body alright. It might be time to IGNORE my body for a change. What I really need is a personal trainer who will actually make me finish all the reps I have to do!! J We’ll see what I actually accomplish this week.
I forgot the thank Kristine Baez for the great meal last Thursday. Greg and I and all the kids loved it. It was a treat and it was nice to sit and visit with you for awhile.
Have a good one!
Love,
Kim