Monday, March 19, 2007 9:09 PM, CDT

Hi everyone,
I hope you had a great weekend. Tonight’s Post is so long that I have to save it in two parts. You’ll see two posts for today: Part I and Part II.
Part I
Let me start by affirming that I believe in God and I believe in the power of prayer. I’ve told you all that. I also believe in angels. For me an angel is a person we loved while they were here on Earth with us but have passed on. Your angel could be a grandparent, an aunt, an uncle, a cousin, a friend, a parent or a child. We all have more than one angel and they interact with us on different days and in many different ways.
Our angles do their best to protect us, to guide us or to soften our blows. They can work in subtle ways or they can produce spectacular events.
Have you ever experienced an incredible coincidence? One that is so amazing you wonder how you could be so lucky? I have. I believe it could be the work of an angel. I think sometimes the deeds my angels do are so small I may not notice serendipity; or maybe I’m so busy with my everyday live that I don’t take the time to think about it. My angel’s deeds might be so anonymous, I can’t figure out which of them provided the happenstance.
There are other times however when the fortuity is so big and so meaningful I can’t help but notice it. And I know just which angel of mine has intervened on my behalf.
My Auntie Donna died from ovarian cancer in the early nineties. She fought hard but eventually lost the battle. She died too young and is terribly missed. Her daughters organized a team in 1999 to walk in Worcester’s Relay for Life, an annual event that raises money for cancer. We walk every year in her honor as the Prima Donna Penguins. Our official team mascot is a penguin and our team t-shirt asks “Waddle You do for a Cure?”
There is a core group of waddlers who are there year after year. Several of us are family members and it’s the one time of year the majority of the Nordquist clan can be found all in one place (and we hope there is never a severe thunderstorm. But that’s another story for another day!) There are others who have joined because they know my cousins. I get to know their familiar faces but I don’t always get to talk to all of them.
Meet Faith Livingston. She’s one of those familiar faces I’ve seen every year as a Prima-Donna Penguin. Faith was Auntie Donna’s oncology nurse when she battled ovarian cancer. Last year was the first year that Faith and I spent a quite a bit of time talking with one another. Her son took an interest in my Katie. He didn’t mind keeping an eye on her when it was time my turn to walk my laps and he even walked with her a few times around the track. It was pouring rain and it must take Katie about a half hour to get all the way around; that’s a nice kid who’s willing to that! Plus, I think he offered to take her twice. Although Faith lives in the next town over I never see her unless we’re up on the track behind Quinsig and waddling for a cure.
That all changed on January 26, 2007. That was the day of my very visit with Dr. Walsh. I was scared and could barely go five minutes without breaking into tears. All I knew at that point was I had a 3.9x5.7 cm tumor in my lung and a 2.5x7.1 cm tumor in my mediatstinum with several affected lymph nodes. I’ll admit I spent hours on the computer and had diagnosed myself with stage IIIb lung cancer and knew I would be fighting an uphill battle. I thought for sure I was going to die.
I hated sitting in an oncologist’s waiting room. I looked around and figured I was the youngest patient there by at least 20 years—at least. The patients are frail and sick looking. I’m 38 and I thought I was healthy and I thought I was strong. I know for a fact that I have three small kids who I do not want to leave without a mother.
The first person who happened to come around the corner into the waiting room was Faith. I didn’t know she worked there and she certainly did not come into the waiting room looking for me. She didn’t even know I was supposed to be there that day. It was a complete and utter coincidence. Or was it?
She came right over and asked why we were there. Then Faith took my hand and said, “It scares the shit out of you doesn’t it.” I was so scared in those early days of this nightmare, I could barely function. I couldn’t look at my kids without breaking down and I couldn’t stop wondering how many birthdays or athletic events or Christmases I had left. I felt I could measure my remaining days in weeks and months or more certainly by substantial events. I looked at every elderly person with utter envy.


Monday, March 19, 2007 7:45 AM, CDT
Hello Kim, Hope all goes well for you today. #2 down!!! I was so happy to hear you were going to field hockey last night. You are such a trouper. Did you get to play? Even if you didn't you were there for the team. I'm with you the Pizzeria Uno sundae is the best, Sheri and I usually split one as Dave doesn't share with anyone except Timmy. Hope to see you soon. Love and Prayers, Elouise
Elouise Mischler
Monday, March 19, 2007 8:00 AM, CDT
Kim, Though we have never met (I entered your guest book a bit ago after hearing about you from my niece) I continue to hold you in prayer... Reading your updates has me continually thinking "Damn I've gotta meet this woman!". Your writing and humor are very Anne Lamott. Your courage and spirit leave me in awe. Blessings, Chris Sorensen Woodside
Chris Sorensen Woodside
Monday, March 19, 2007 8:07 AM, CDT
Kim, the Scott family was shocked and sorry to hear about what's going on in your world. We're praying for you and your family every day. Good luck with your treatment today. Nancy
Nancy Scottscott114@charter.net
Monday, March 19, 2007 8:10 AM, CDT
Kim,
Heather sent out this link and I've spent the last half hour at work getting caught up with your journal entries. I laughed and cried and now have become a big fan of the Hagglund-Abusheery perspective on the things you are going through. Truth be told, I've always been a big fan of that perspective, no matter the topic...
I hope all goes well today and I'm keeping you in my prayers.
julie
julie raskuCambridge, MA
Monday, March 19, 2007 8:24 AM, CDT
You don't know me, but we have a mutual friend, and I've seen you at the town pool many times. You seem too young, fit, and beautiful to have to experience cancer.
I hope you can find it in your heart to make peace with God as you discover just how strong of a person you really are. People you don't even know are praying for you.
Godspeed!
Jen Langhill
Jen LanghillHolden, MA
Monday, March 19, 2007 9:27 AM, CDT
Kim:Totally relate to the Port thing. Can't stand my port, black and blue for a month after they put it in, and they had a hard time with my collar bone. I was awake and could hear the doctor, he wasn't happy.But the good news, it does heal and doesn't hurt. Put the cream on at least an hour before they access and tell them to use the "frost bite" spray too before they use the port. That numbs it while you're there. Lean back in the chair while they access, its easier to get at.Re: your laundry. You mean the laundry that's all over the basement floor? Can't help you there, but Greg may think of hiring a cleaning woman. Or a cleaning crew. (I did share a cube with you and the mice picked your desk for their nest for a reason).Ironic the things we fear the most are the things we smack right into in life. Keep pacing the deck, the weather is getting better. But also remember the gold standard of nausea medicine, little med. called Zofran. Does wonders (also constipates, which will help with the other end). We call the anxiety medicines the Lo's and the Al's, depending. If it helps, I didn't urp once.You will get through this, because you have to get through this. You have the best doctors in the world, and you are strong. Cry all you want, sleep as much as you can, let everyone do as much as they can for you. If you need someone to call when you're pacing the deck, I'm up watching MASH re-runs at 2:00 a.m.JodyP.S. When signing in to the guestbook, they make you give a date of birth. I thought 22 was a good age.
JODY DOSS
Monday, March 19, 2007 3:25 PM, CDT
Good to see that you made it through today as well. I am not lying still can't look at the port. Glad to see you muscled through our game last night. I don't know if we could have won without you!! Just so you know, I have already started to prepare for the life we planned as old ladies. I have my dime, I have been to Petco (really there sholdn't be any tax if it is going to be ingested by humans- it really should be considered food) to stock up and of course I have laminated my bingo card.I just want to remind you that today, at this time last year, we were laughing about sitting in a pink adirondak, an ipod and pink crocs. We can know look back and laugh at that and know that today at this time next year, we will be laughing about this too.
Kerry Berry
Monday, March 19, 2007 6:10 PM, CDT
Kim you are an amazing writer, I have enjoyed reading your "story" and "journal" I am just sorry it is under such sad circumstances. You are truly an inspiration to everyone who knows you! Just a few thoughts about all your messages: If you are serious about getting a perm I know a great place in Springfield, I was there once and I think you were with me! Just remember to arrive early and wear your running shoes! Who could ever forget the orange VW. My fondest memory is when I drove it home from the Senate banquet and dropped John at Sycamore St. then tried to back out and could not put it in reverse so John pushed me out of my parking space! Oh the memories..... Today is the day you got your second treatment. I hope it went well. John, the girls, and I pray daily for you (before dinner) and your family and I am so happy to hear how much comfort that brings you. As my good friend Cathi Rehm (california friend) told me when she was battling breast cancer you just have to put yourself in God's hands and trust that he will take care of you! He has a plan and we have to trust it. Take Care. Love ya
Tracy Riordan, Plymouth, MA
Tracy Riordan
Monday, March 19, 2007 6:17 PM, CDT
Kim-
Where can I begin? With how - as your mother - I wish I could make all of this go away? With how- as any mother - I wish I could have protected you, shielded you and prevented any/all of this from happening to you? Since January 22nd and that devastating phone call I have thought that and more, over and over again. Not being able to "fix" it, know that I will be with you physically, mentally and emotionally every step of the way on this journey to ease any kind of pain that I can.
Having said that, you need to know that I agree with ALL of your friends - new and old - who have commended you on your courage and bravery in facing this. ( Kerry will have to use the word "fragile-y" in describing someone else from now on!) I am also amazed - though not surprised - at your wit and humor in approaching and meeting each situation. I have always been proud of all of your accomplishments ( well maybe not the newspaper project in junior high ), and continue to feel that about your attitude now. With everyone's prayers and well wishes and your determination, you'll come out on the other side better than ever!
With Much Love,
Mom
ps. Referring to Hagglund family vacations - Why would anyone bid SMUDGE without the jack?!!!!!
Donna Hagglund
Monday, March 19, 2007 7:00 PM, CDT
Kim,
As I turned the corner in Stop & Shop today I couldn't help but smile when I saw Aussie Sprunch Spray on sale (or was it on clearance because they are still trying to get rid of it??). They have changed the bottle a bit but the purple caught my eye! Maybe they heard you are bringing the 80's back and wanted to get a jump start. Then again, maybe Western MA has never really left the 80's?!?! Regardless, it prompted me to come home and dig through the boxes my mother made me take when I moved out, and look for a photo from that fabulous trip to Florida we took (we broke down twice and weren't even in your VW!). I thought for sure I would find one of you with a fanny pack and then you could post the "then and now" photos on your site! I found some humorous photos, so let me know when you need a good laugh and I will send them out priority mail!
As many have already said, you are an inspiration to all. I find myself checking your web site often to see how you are (and sometimes selfishly, because I know there will be something there to make me smile). It has become part of my daily routine. You are in my thoughts and prayers and I am sending all the postive energy I have your way.
Take good care.
With love,
Carol Leecock
Carol Leecock
Monday, March 19, 2007 7:44 PM, CDT
Kim,Hope everything went well today. Sorry I missed you last night at field hockey. I can't wait to give you a big hug! I think about you everyday and keep up that terrific attitude! Jaime
Jaime Marianijmariani@nrsd.netClinton
Monday, March 19, 2007 7:55 PM, CDT
Oh my god, I just had a flashback to a photo in Disney with you in a bohemian shirt, jean shorts and, lo and behold , A FANNY PACK!!! I swear I can't remember the trip, I don't know if was before you got married and we were all there farting around in the Lincoln or if it was on one of your many trips with Greg. This talk of the fanny pack this whole time and it truly was a flashback to the your times traveling. I am going to have to dig that one up!!
Kerry Berry
Monday, March 19, 2007 8:05 PM, CDT
Kim,Our thoughts and prayers are with you.The Toppins
David Toppindave@pelletizer.comHolden, MA

Monday, March 19, 2007 9:14 PM, CDT
dude that is a cliffhanger
Kerry Berry
Monday, March 19, 2007 9:16 PM, CDT
Hi Kim,
Lee and I just read through your journal and you have been in our thoughts and prayers over the last few weeks. Thank you for using the journal to keep us updated on your progress. We see through your writing how strong of a person you are and it gives us confidence that you will win your battle.
On a lighter note, if you should find that you will not be needing your scalp prosthetic.......
Love,
Mike and Lee Ann
Mike Grahampiltool@aol.comMarlborough, MA
Monday, March 19, 2007 9:29 PM, CDT
Haggsie,
Your two part journal entry was beautiful. I too believe in angels and have asked my special angel to bless and watch over you on this journey.
Love,
Tracy
Tracy Corcoran
Monday, March 19, 2007 9:34 PM, CDT
Well I did not see part two....I don't know what I did.
Kerry Berry
Monday, March 19, 2007 9:47 PM, CDT
I completely believe in angels and that things happen by coincidence. Sometimes you have to be removed from the moment to even be able to understand why things happen. But I know on more than one occasion Linda has given me a sign. It doesn't matter who or what you believe in, it only matters that you have someting positive to hold onto. You will make it to "the other side" as you refer to it. I have never truly believed anything else. I repeat I have started collecting the materials for when we do have grandkids and our own kids are sitting around thinking some of the things we do are funny or better yet crazy????!!!! I wouldn't want to share my run with anyone else. Of course we may want to adopt Ed's idea, but really what fun would that be? and the Karma--we would always abide by the rules of Karma because it does matter!
Kerry Berry
Monday, March 19, 2007 9:53 PM, CDT
Hi Kim,
Let me start by saying I too believe in angels and miracles. I also believe that sometimes a coincidence is more then just a coincidence -- it's a power stronger then we can imagine!
Your journal entry, as always was moving and inspirational. Even with all you are going through you are thinking of others with your humor and heartfelt stories.
Your moms message was also beautiful and tearful. As moms we want nothing more then to protect our children. It is clear now where you get your compassion, strength and courage from.
You are two fabulous women!
Kathleen Rochekroche@progress.comWestford, MA