Wednesday, March 28, 2007 8:57 PM, CDT

Hello,
I’ve got another two-parter here tonight. Sorry. Sometimes I get a little carried away.
Part I
I have to tell you that all the talk of Tony Snow and Elizabeth Edwards has me a bit on edge these past few days. I’m remaining optimistic but it’s scary to think that even if you can gain remission, there remains a very real possibility that you might backslide. I feel like the boogeyman will always be there with me waiting for his opportunity to get me. I wonder when a cancer survivor stops looking over her shoulder waiting for a growth to return. I bet she never does.
I’m taking it one day at a time as best as I can. I feel good and my cough is better. These are good things. I don’t spend time in the dark places but sometimes I can’t help taking a peek. It’s a scary place. It keeps me grounded and reminds me of everything I don’t want to happen to me. I’m concentrating on remission and not worrying about relapse but sometimes the thought of relapse sits in the back of my head.
So much time was spent discussing lung cancer and its grim prognosis that I’m not sure what I’m facing if it’s colon cancer. Dr. Lennes, our fellow at Dana Farber, spent an unbelievable amount of time with us during our visits into Boston. She is an incredibly likable person and I felt a connection to her the second she walked in the room. She has a friendly face, a soothing voice and a compassion about her that will serve her well as a Doctor. I might add that Dr. Lennes is of Swedish descent, as am I (100% and proud of it!) and she insists we call her Inga. How could you not like a Swede named Inga???
Anyway, Inga was with us during our marathon day at Dana Farber and told us that the life expectancy with Stage IV colon cancer is 22 months. She also added that the 22-month prognosis is for old, sick, decrepit, yucky people (seriously, those were her words—verbatim). I know I’m not old, sick or decrepit and I’m hoping I’m not yucky!! Inga also alluded to the fact that the port can come out when I no longer need it.
When I no longer need it. Does she think I’ll get better and I might be cured? I’m sure you’ve heard the media report that for both Tony Snow and Elizabeth Edwards a cure is not in their future. They both have cancers that can be treated but not cured. I’m pretty sure I fall in that category. As a matter of fact, I know I fell in that category when it was lung cancer.
What does it mean when you can’t be cured? It means the doctors can do their best to prolong your life and to improve or maintain your quality of life. However, the chances of being able to eradicate the cancer from your system are pretty slim. But you can fight like heck with chemo and possibly radiation to keep it in control for as long as you can.
Inga told me it would take a miracle to cure me of the lung cancer. I’m not sure what she thinks now. I’m sure you’re reading this and saying to yourself, “Why doesn’t Kim know? Why didn’t she ask?” If I could take you back to the surreal events of sitting in Dr. Enzinger’s examining room at 4:00 on March 6 you’d understand. Greg and I were emotionally and physically exhausted by the time he walked in the room:. His 11th hour diagnosis of colon cancer completely shocked us, as I’ve mentioned before.
Within two minutes, I went from a prognosis of 12 months and a plan for an aggressive regimen of chemo to an improved prognosis and a far more tolerable chemo treatment. It was hypnotic and I was euphoric. I felt like I just won a prize. I kept giggling the whole ride home from Boston, “I have stage IV colon cancer.” We never asked if we could see the fine print. Am I going to feel like that knight in the Capitol One commercial when he’s so happy to ride into the Kingdom on his noble stead with a slayed dragon’s head and collect his reward until the King reads him the fine print and then offers up his beautiful mustached daughter for a bride? I’m not sure. I haven’t asked what the prize is yet and how hard it will be for me to get it. Will it still take a miracle? Time will tell. For now, we go forward with round three, have the CT scan and pray for positive results.