Thursday, May 3, 2007 9:16 PM, CDT

Hello All,
I’m four days into my Fifth cycle and I feel good. I have an appetite and I’m not knocked out with exhaustion. It’s weird, I keep waiting for it(the nausea and the exhaustion) to happen but I don’t think it’s going to.
However, I do have a moderate to severe amount of fluid around my heart—a pericardial effusion. Dr. Walsh isn’t sure why but said that it could be cancer. After I freaked out and said, “I have cancer in my heart?.” Dr Walsh calmly explained that I might have cancer in the lining around my heart (oh well, that doesn’t sound so great either!!). However, he did say that once they drain the fluid (oh yes, I’ll get to that!), the cancer will be gone and it won’t be an issue.
So how do you get rid of extra fluid around your heart? Well, a surgeon inserts a needle into your chest cavity and drains it. Right. I’m totally freaked out about it!! I have to go to see Dr. Walsh tomorrow morning and he might admit me to the hospital so I can have the procedure. The good news is the surgeon who will perform the procedure is the same surgeon who did my Bronchoscopy, Dr. Uy. I love Dr. Uy and I feel safe that he will be taking care of me. However, as many times as the doctors can say it’s a “minor procedure,” the mere fact that someone will be sticking a needle (and I can only imagine how darn big and long that needle will be) has me a wee bit unsettled!
I must have asked Dr. Walsh four times during our five minute conversation if he thought I was going to die. He calmly answered me all four times that he doesn’t think I’m going to die. And then I asked him if he was sure that Dr. Uy wouldn’t mess up and stick me in the heart instead of just the area around the heart. Again, the poor man had to assure me I would be fine. I can only imagine just how much I drive him crazy. He probably has to psych himself up before he picks up the phone to call me. Plus, Greg and I have thought of about 20 questions to ask him tomorrow morning…oh that poor man!!
I’m not sure what will happen tomorrow. Apparently Dr. Uy has to take a look at the EKG to determine what he wants to do. So, I’ll pack a bag in the morning and be prepared to spend some time at UMass Memorial—just in time for the weekend. UGH.
I haven’t been able to breathe since I got off the phone with Dr. Walsh. Do you think it’s the pericardial effusion or stress??? I’m going to go with stress J and take some lorazipam to calm me down.
I will let you know what happens tomorrow. Who knows, Dr. Uy may decide to do the procedure next week. That way I can have a few extra days to think about a big huge needle being plunged into the area around my heart. Plus, Greg and I will have all our questions answered tomorrow morning so I will have more details.
Thank you to Allison Labovitz who fed us a great meal last night. Thank you also to Mrs. Zinkus, Mrs. Kennedy and Mrs. Munger for feeding us tonight. I can’t thank all of you enough for your generosity and kindness.
I will let you know more when I know more.
Love,
Kim